Why are you not listening to me?

How I live in a toxic relationship and I got over it

I don’t even know how to start this article. I have tried so hard and with different arguments for you to start listening that I don’t know what else I can say.

Let’s start from the beginning.

First, you meet this person. It normally comes to your life when you have been alone for a while and you are a little bit sad thinking “why does no one love ME?” or just a rough time in your life, or a relationship that didn’t work very well. And he is the ONE. You haven’t met anyone like him before. He surprised you like no one else did, he gets you presents for no reason, he tells you how unique and fantastic you are. Then a few months later things change. The first weird thing that you see is how angry he gets because you have been talking to that guy that you work with. And is just not simple jealousy (if jealousy could be simple), he starts accusing YOU of things; “nah, is you who were looking at him” ” why were you flirting with him?” “I know, I know what you were doing”. So then you begin to feel awful because you wonder what you did wrong and what you can do to not do it again.

In the meantime, you fall in love so badly for him. How could you not? He is so perfect right?. Then a few weeks later you decide to go out with your friends “Who are you going with?” “Why are you wearing that? I don’t want to say it but you look a little bit slutty” “don’t get angry, I’m just joking”. But you are not going to let anyone talk to you like that so you argue and fight, this is then when he starts saying things like “listen to me”, “I am talking to you, listen to me”, and he repeats them so many times, sooooo many times, that you become so tired that you just listen, and you don’t reply. And just like that, he wins the first battle.

Any mean thing that he said to you, you justified it. It’s ok for him to ask you for explanation of why you are talking to that guy, but as soon you mention anything about any of his “girl- friends” you are “paranoid” and “crazy”. And you cry, and come back to apologise to him. You are so scared to loose him that you will do anything to stay with him.

For some reason, every time you achieve something, he gets angry. Or every time you manage to be happy or have a good time, something happens that finishes making it about him. But then he tells you about his problems, and you believe him, and think “Don’t worry, I am here for you, I won’t ever do that to you”.

So you are not happy, you know it. But it’s okay, because you are with him. It doesn’t really matter that you cry 6 out of the 7 days in the week. Or that you stop doing certain things because you don’t want to have another argument.

At the end you finish weighing 10kg less and with your self esteem non existent.

And why I am telling you this? Because when I was there, in that situation I wasn’t alone. I had people around me that kept telling me that he wasn’t good for me, and if you cry 6 days a week that is not normal. And I told myself, it’s okay, they don’t understand, they don’t know how much he loves me, they don’t know the things we share.

And he lied to you, and you caught him, and you forgive him and you keep going. But I tell you know, that is not life. And even if it seems there is not an end to that, there is. I promise. Because the first moment that you spend just one day without him, you start feeling better. Then you realise it has been a week since last time you cried. That now, you can actually do whatever you want. You feel so full.

Now I understand that I got into that place because I had my own issues. Because I never loved myself enough. If I did, I would have known that no one has the right to treat me like he did. And there is no excuse in the world that can justify that. I don’t deserve to be insulted, shouted at or be made doubt myself just in order to make someone else feel better about themselves. I had my issues, yes, but he should’ve dealt with his the same way that, after all, I did too.

If someone close to you goes and says “this is not good for you”, please, listen, just once. Think about what are they saying. You are not alone, you will never been. There are millions of girls having relationships like this, just speak with any of your friends, you will see it’s more usual that you think. And stop it. Because trust me, loneliness is not lonely, and you, just because you are you, deserve to be treated right, ALWAYS.

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